Thursday, July 26, 2018

An unforgettable episode of my life

The Deviramma Temple in Chikmagalur signals an episode of my life I can never forget. After a deeply satisfying year end vacation in Chikmagalur during the last week of December 2017 we ( me and my sister's family) headed back to Bangalore, not before making a final stop at the Deviramma Temple. This was not a part of  our plan though, and we would never know of this temple if not for the lady at the homestay who not only mentioned about the temple but also praised it with the grandest of words.

I for one, never pray to God. I have never had the habit of visiting temples. Obviously I wasn't enthusiastic about this idea. Somehow temples have never been the place where I could find devotion. Not to say that I'am an atheist. I do believe in the existence of a certain power but I could never fold my hands and pray to a temple God. This lack of devotion could probably be due to the fact that most  of my school summer holidays  were spent in the temple town Gokarna, closely witnessing the workings of the temples. As a  young brahmachari the everyday summer mornings were spent walking around the temple town barefoot, pouring waters to the idols at the Bhadrakali, Ganesha temple and the Ishwar linga of the famous Mahabaleshwara temple. I clearly remember the Friday's at the Bhadrakali Temple, my mother's birthplace. My maternal uncle holds the responsibility of running the temple for a year once in ever 7 years. On Friday's there used to be a special Panchamruta Abhisheka followed by the bathing and cleaning of the Goddess Idol and the daunting task of Alankara - tying the special saree around the Devi and placing the delicate and precious ornaments over the Goddess. As a young boy decorating Bhadrakali with her many glorious ornaments, giving the thertha prasada to the devotees, seeing the mindless and crazy beliefs of all kinds of people, witnessing this whole mediator business of the priests much more of such experiences made me quite cynical about our well established belief systems, the religious practises and the interpretation of religion itself. And the Navaratri's - Well! those nine nights were a world on their own. Words cannot match the craziness that would be out on display during those nights. Bhadrakali being the Grama Devi of Gokarna meant that the entire town would visit the temple during those nights. The resulting scenes bizzarre! I would obviously bug my mother with hundreds of questions about various things ranging from the customs to beliefs to the current practises and the so called legends of Bhadrakali. My mother had no conclusive answers but she tried her best each time. At the end we would both agree to disagree but  as I grew up my mother knew that I never really prayed to the temple God although I folded my hands in front of the idol. Therefore needless to say  I was not excited about visiting the Deviramma Temple, but the lady at the homestay persuaded us. And so we decided to give it a shot, if not for the prayers but for the views that it promised to offer.

Much to my surprise I could feel certain energy as I entered the premises of the Deviramma temple. The kerala style Temple sat on a wide open space with the backdrop of the picturesque and the magnificent  Deviramma Betta. The simple yet different architecture, the open space, the cool breeze and the beautiful mountain view, all put together was a treat to the eyes and certainly elated us as we didn't  expect anything like this for a temple. In short the Deviramma Temple was a quiet little Gem, a unique and an interesting place. As I approached the Goddess I could feel a certain vibe, a kind of a bliss and a rare devotion evoked within me. Can't remember the last time I had felt this way. There was a sudden urge within me to fold my hands and pray. They say you should never share what you pray! Since I am a bit of a rule breaker in these matters anyway , I must confess my prayers - I prayed for the good health of my Father. It was an instant thing. I didn't even think about it.  Just prayed.

In a matter of 3 days since the visit to the Deviramma Temple, my Father had a heart attack. It was the night before the last day of 2017. A memorable year except for this ultimate day which couldn't have been more disastrous. My father was not a diabetic, his cholesterols were in control and he only had a slightly high BP since a year. So how could this even happen to him? We could not believe it and we kept thinking it must not be that! Nevertheless it was that and it did happen to him!

I still remember the panic that had struck me when I first heard the news that night. Sitting on the bed in my flat and trying to book the flight tickets I realised I was shivering. We had some immediate decisions to make, some question marks and a lot of doubts. And my feet wasn't even moving. My best friend and my roommate not only helped me book the flight tickets online, before I left he also gave me the best piece of advice ever. He said - I lost my father to a heart attack . When I heard the news my father was already dead. I could do nothing. However as we speak your father is still alive and as long as he is alive you must do everything you can to save him. The decisions you take for your father in the next few hours will not only decide your father's fate but in many ways also yours. So be brave. Be as calm as you can. Think through your decisions and you will only do the right things!

All through that night when my mother carried my father in the ambulance from home to Manipal, I along with my sister waiting at the airport, boarding the flight to Mangalore and then the taxi drive to Manipal - all the while we just kept praying to God. By then we had already made some decisions, we needed some luck. We hoped and prayed to God that he survives the distance. He did! 
When we entered the hospital , we first prayed to the Ganesha idol. I kept praying everyday till my father was discharged. In the end I must say we also did the right things, took the right decisions and everything worked out just in time for us. My father was discharged in 3 days, and its been over six months now already. He has done well uptill now and is doing just fine, touchwood!

If I look back now, I can't quite understand what this whole episode was trying to tell me with respect to my beliefs about prayers and temple God's and idol worships. Why did I suddenly pray to the temple God? Is there someone who hears our prayers ? If yes, the first time I prayed and it just went all wrong! Why? But what if the power of these prayers saved my father? The more I try to make some conclusions the more confusing it gets.  At the end I really don't know what to make of all this. Probably when I am older and hopefully wiser it would make better sense to me maybe. For now I can only say I know the meaning of fear much better than before, something I thought I already knew when I had lost my brother a decade back. And one thing is for sure - I will never forget this episode ever!


Monday, July 16, 2018

The true lovers

Ocean waves are the most loyal lovers in this world. A wave is so deeply in love with the idea of finding a shore that no matter how many times it is sent back it still returns to the shoreline eager to kiss and embrace the shore. The shore could be different each time, but the intention of the wave remains the same. To me nothing is more beautiful that this hope!
A wave teaches us how to be a true lover and how to exit with grace, yet keep the hope within us alive.



Thursday, July 12, 2018

Moving on

what happens when you
keep living your dream?
living it endlessly
seems to be
a dangerous dangerous thing
for it tears you apart
and fills you up
with a certain fatigue
burining out the life within.
But.
before you fully dissolve,
you must let those hovering clouds
floating beneath the sun
rain-
water down the fire,
you must let those new dreams
peaking over the horizon
dawn-
light new desire.
this way
you know
when to break away
for no dream is final
and no dream must stay.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

The theory about recognizing your soulmate



This thought or let’s say this ‘theory’ has been doing the rounds in my mind from quite some time now. Infact from a couple of years I must say. Finally, after much cross questioning myself I have come to a temporary conclusion -
In your entire lifetime you will have the chance to meet your true soulmate/s two or maximum three times only! If you recognize that person the very first time, you can consider yourself luckyJ. If you recognize that person the second time around, you can be proud of yourself for the rest of your life *Pat your back*. And if you manage to recognize the person the third time (if there is a third time ofcourse), then you can consider yourself very lucky and at the same time be very proud of yourself too!

At this point and before going any further let me say -if you have never tried to find a true soulmate, you have probably chosen a very different path for yourself which is well beyond the material happiness normal people look for. I will not dwell on that aspect here. Let us consider that you have actually tried finding your true soulmate. In this context what does it mean if you failed to recognize your soulmate the very first time? For me, it simply means that you were not in touch with your ego. To recognise that one true friend- this is probably the only life skill which no one can ever teach you. You can only learn it if you are in constant touch with your ego - your strictest judge, your best teacher.

Now, once you miss that first chance, what next? How do you prepare for the second opportunity? For me, again, the only way to be prepared for the second chance is to recognise that you missed the first chance in the first place. But you will never recognise you already missed one, if you do not look back and introspect. However, I believe it is not enough to just recognise the missed chance. It is equally important to regret it and truly accept that you made a mistake. Only when you understand the meaning of regret can you stay oncourse with your real purpose.
Regret in its true sense is the beginning of a journey to retribution.  A mirror to your Ego which you failed to see and respect before. It is a seed of hope. Only when there is an earnest hope is there a total determination to endure the wait. To be patient and seize the next opportunity no matter how long it takes. When you do not regret in its true positive sense you never attempt to  change. And therefore you never really learn for your mistakes. You continue to commit the same mistakes again!

I must say again that I have only drawn a temporary conclusion. Temporary, with respect to the numbers. Because I do not know if I’m old enough to be sure about the number of chances that one gets. Only three? Maybe even four? Who knows!

PS: Don’t ask me where I stand in my personal count ;)


Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Crude Poison

a lie is a lie
even if it is sweet.
specially
if you are on a truth-only diet
and your blood is replete
with more sugars than water
drinking a sweet lie
can be
dangerously costly.
all the sugary toppings,
every little calorie
over a base
you already despise
makes it even more unsavory.
a sweet lie
is simply
poison in making.

Monday, July 9, 2018

fortitude

there must be a common place
where
the cells of my head and heart
originate.
help me locate.
otherwise
testify
come justify
how this heart beats an emotion
and the mind writes the same?
and when I wear
the same cells over my skin
I'am written off
as a silly emotional thing.
now I lay
resigned to the view
that no one wears these cells
like I do.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

about uncertainty

to know
the next moment
is to know
the truth of the universe.
to know the end-
isn't it
worse
than living a disease?
to hate
uncertainty
is to hate
life itself
because
wanting to know
is awefully different
to being curious;
nothing
is really worth knowing
when
death is the only thing certain.

Friday, July 6, 2018

exhale

do not close the door
when you cry
do not be shy
when you cry
keep open the door
for trapping your screams
within the walls
can hurt you all the more.
never know
how much crying is enough
but know :
once you pull a pain out of your stomach
it must never come back to find you.

- share

Thursday, July 5, 2018

City

It is insane how people travel long distances everyday in this big bustling city. And I am one among them! Insane by birth but validated finally after coming to Bangalore ;).
Among many other things this city has taught me patience. My highly volatile and impatient mind is slowly but surely learning to slow down. I can now park my thoughts and then resume. What can you do afterall when the signal resumes? You have to park your thoughts as you start your car back again. Like how right now I am writing this piece between traffic jams ;).
Everyday commuting over considerable distances somehow makes you take cognizance of the higher meaning of living and the journey of life itself. For you see it yourself everyday that it takes a lot of more than just time to reach your destination! In my opinion this is symbolic of our life journey. There is an art of living and then there is an art of living in a big city. And to quote Thomas Merton, this is exactly the kind of art that enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time :)


Sunday, July 1, 2018

the rain analogy

i do not write
i rain
sometimes thick slow
sometimes light low.
those
who have their hearts in their head
find connection
those
who are drenched by the downpour
call it destruction
for some
just a passing shower
for some
an alarm to break the hibernation
some dispute
take objection
some escape
find protection
and this is how for them
i cease to rain.
although, i refrain
and i'am never game
for discriminations
how you see
i rain differently
on different persons.